I know I'm not crazy.
When I started dating my husband almost 11 years ago now, his daughter was probably not even a year old. I had envisioned him as being a good dad who dressed his baby, and fed her and changed the diapers and took her to the park. I didn't think about being his wife right away, and I really didn't even fathom being a step mother, but I was eager to know his kid and to be a part of that dynamic in his life.
I was blissfully in love, I wanted to be part of every dynamic in his life. Fast forward 8 years, and I never would have expected that in all that time, I would barely get to spend any time with his daughter whatsoever. However many court orders, nasty phone calls, missed dates, scheduled visitation hours, petitions and rules later, and somehow my husband's little girl grew up in the background with me kept well at bay.
So here I am now, with a pre-teen staying (intruding) part-time in my house (life/world), with me feeling like I only just recently finished my teens myself. And somehow I can't find that feeling that makes me feel like she belongs there. Nothing has prepared me for dealing with this.
And now, here comes halloween followed quickly by her birthday. Last year I made her costume from scratch, and then I spent $250 on her birthday dinner. I can be totally honest because this is my blog, and say it was not even close to worth it. Am I a wicked witch? Yes, by definition. But we'll see what we get this weekend when she comes for her twice-monthly visit.
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